Predation: Recruitment

Do you feel lost in your everyday life? Does life’s seemingly unknowable mysteries haunt your every waking moment? Perhaps, you feel completely alone in the vast cosmic ocean. Well, fret no longer. The (REDACTED) offer you the chance to discover these answers for yourself- and find your true cosmic residence. DO NOT COPY, OR DISTRIBUTE TAPE. IF QUESTIONED BY LOCAL AUTHORITIES DENY ALL KNOWLEDGE OF (Redacted).