The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Episode 2

Fat Brains Need a Bidet

Fat Brain, The War on Blackface, Kid-Friendly Pride, Lack of Bidets

Episode 3

Apologizing to Chinese Psychopaths

Messed up sex doll fingers, selling AMC, crappy children's artwork, "China Aporogies", female writers, the metric system, Gavin McInnes cries about something, "Disinformation", women banging psychopaths, edgy reboots, and the top hat pooper.

Episode 4

The Shame Flags of Regret

Too Much Pride, Child Advocates, Regret, The Minimum Wage

Episode 5

Mr. Beast Goes to Space

The N-Word Defense, YouTube Role Models, Space Tourists, COVID Deniers

Episode 6

Gas the Asylum

Deinstitutionalization, Two-Factor Authentication, Silver Alerts, Presidential Gas Gripers

Episode 7

Pious Puppets Seek Prison Parking

Hoo boy, it's problem time! Dick says people's love of science has unfortunately grown to resemble religious fanaticism, but maybe you'll want some religion in your life when Bubba is parking his Prius in your prison puppet hole! Should've parked that thing on the other side of the lot!

Episode 8

Food for Thots

Though socialist commentators are now swimming in money, the payment processors refuse to let them simp for their favorite thots! And due to cries of "culinary appropriation" they can no longer purchase food from their favorite caucasian-owned taqueria! The only solution: invest your dollar where it matters. Invest in GOTHS!

Episode 9

Taking the Red, White, and Blue Pill

You've got two pills in front of you. The blue pill traps you in a world of braindead patriotic mantras and lazy World War II metaphors. The red pill leaves you with a billion dollar hospital bill and a bunch of computer nerds praying to the great programmer in the sky. Vito Pill or Dick Pill? The choice is yours...

Episode 10

Tattle Trans Adventures

These snitches will have you in stitches, as Vito and Dick argue about proper social media etiquette. At the very least, make sure to rest your fingers before banging out your next tweet to YouTube support! Meanwhile, the trans community is dominating at sports and your favorite dead comedians are too busy getting #MeToo'd to crack jokes about it. What a shame! #RIPNorm

Episode 11

Sustainable Corn Dogs

Dick is tired of all you jerks bragging about your resistance to cold weather while running around in your 100% sustainable hemp-woven cargo shorts. Why don't you shut up and get a job?! Any job other than voice acting that is, we only allow the finest of Chris Pratts to voice our Marios these days. Maybe instead you can work in some Korean hovel serving up raw corn dogs for Vito to devour? The future is yours, young man!

Episode 12

Waiting For Master Columbus

Get your chocolate chip pancakes and turn on the master bedroom's game console, it's time for the Biggest Problem in the Universe! In this episode, Dick hates his restaurant waits while Vito waits for video game install states! Also an Italian and a Mexican argue about the ethics of colonizing Central America. Two master debaters in action! Oh wait, we can't use that word anymore...

Episode 13

Cheers to Media Brain Injuries

Welcome to the only podcast that likes jokes. In fact, these two dummies like jokes so much that their risk life, limb, and brain in pursuit of new comedy heights! After their viral Netflix protest the boys have lots to discuss, let's get into it!

Episode 14

Urine and Uranium (feat Dr Kevin P Hickerson)

Urinators of the world, unite! In this very special episode of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, the great Dr. Kevin P Hickerson joins us to share his scientific insight. As Vito tries not to pee his pants and Dick argues for the nuclear option, the doctor makes his case that social media and fake news are planting viruses in our brains. Say it ain't so, doc! Say it ain't so!

Episode 15

All Guns, No Chargers

Hiding out from the police with your illegal ghost gun? Well fella, you'd better not be trying to watch this show on your new mobile device, because it doesn't come with a charger! You could order one, but all you'll get is a tracking number. And you could fix your car and drive to the store, but then you'll hear all about what a wimp you are for being unable to rebuild a carburetor with a jackknife and some WD-40. Might as well give it up and just go down in a blaze of glory!

Episode 16

We Are The Dislike Button

Mama help, the tech companies want to take my voice away! How will I warn brave men of the dangers of family court? How will I chastise old films and their crappy slo-mo? Perhaps I can start a union and fix this all with some sneaky demands. Not a bad idea!

Episode 17

Diamonds are for Vitophiles

Insert clever description here (Happy Turkey Day!)

Episode 18

Bury My Breasts at Wounded Knee

Looking for a cheap way to reduce the size of those mammaries ladies? Why not call up your local warchief and have him scalp the damn things down to size! Thankfully he'll accept payment in firewater, letting you save your cash for the bail bondsman and local Funko Pop dealer. America! It's a hell of a town!

Episode 19

My Balls Hurt Superbad

Huhh huhh I smoked too much weed and my balls got all twisted up huhh huhh

Episode 20

Anti-Israeli Asset Forfeiture Boycotts

Vito's problem this week is not "the Jews." Please do not attempt to vote up "the Jews." This is a complex subject about America's free speech treatment of Israeli. This has nothing to do with "the Jews." Please stop sending us weird manifestos about "the Jews."

Episode 21

Bob Ross Initiates the Goss

Tired of watching a bunch of little brats pretend to be the long dead sons of Abraham? Take a trip to Greenland and be sated by the knowledge that anything about your likeness that was worth a dime will be endlessly exploited until the end of eternity. Your face will be on collector's plates and other worthless knick-knacks for Craigslist morons to fight over. Well, enjoy the afterlife fella. At least in death you never have to try and talk to women!

Episode 22

Turd Eye Blind

This week! Vito has a problem in his tummy, Dick has a dart in his eye! One man hates going to work, the other hates going to the movies. Will this odd couple find agreement or are they destined to fight endlessly in an illusionary electronic hellscape run by the machines? Let's find out!

Episode 23

Thank You for the Fifty Dollars

This week! Dick is sick. We've replaced him with the great mrgirl. Keep complaining and we'll make it permanent you buttholes.

Episode 24

The Latinx Grapes of Wrath

This week: Vito hates diverse movies. Vito hates long movies. Maybe Vito should just stop watching movies altogether! At least he's saving money on movie tickets in this era of rising inflation. Suck on a sour grape, fat boy!

Episode 25

Bone Breakin' Grandpas

Dick's foot is broken. Why? Because Vito voted wrong. His stupid liberal candidate failed to implement the kind of common sense eldercare program which could have helped grandpa Richard get back on his feet. And god forbid you do some medical tourism and travel abroad. That insurance will run you ragged! EVERY DAY IS A NIGHTMARE!

Episode 26

Flirting With Cowards

This week: Vito thinks scientists should stick to the facts, while Dick shows us Reddit mods on the attack! Vito is tired of women who ghost, but Dick says we should hate pickup artists the most! Who will win this week? My what a riddle! Now Vito is off to find some kids to diddl-- hey wait a minute who wrote this?

Episode 27

Black Women Raise the Debt

Black people, we love em. Why? Because they've invented everything in existence. The seatbelt alarm, the menthol cigarette, and every science-fiction franchise under the sun. Unfortunately, all those great inventions have led to frantic economic purchasing, and as the U.S. debt rises we must ask the black community: PLEASE STOP INVENTING THINGS!

Episode 28

No Knock Raid Shadow Legends

Knock, knock! It's your favorite podcast hosts with a new round of problems for you!